The Dearest Husband
I am writing something right now in train. Because if I will try later may be I can’t write it in the same way.
Its now 5 Months and 10 days and its your birth day today. You could have enjoyed very much in Tikamgarh with all, but still only b/c of my wish you came to Jhansi. I didn’t give you any gift. I know everybody expects. If I place myself in your place. I could have expected much more. And what I did for you?? Nothing..
I am realizing each and every day.. that I am not worth you. Isn’t it right? You are so hardworking, generous, open hearted and I am not. Just now I was thinking why I am so??
You know I am care less, self oriented kind of girl, that is what I have known about me in last 10 months after meeting you. I don’t have the quality of hiding my emotions. My mood goes off, when you give importance to others more than me, especially to girls. Yes, Yes !! I am jealous. But I can’t help it. May be because I had seen so many dreams of my dream boy and I got that. It happens so rarely. Isn’t it? I don’t want to loose you. It may sound so filmy, but that’s the truth.
When ever you become angry on me, that is the worst time for me. I always try to ask you if I have done something wrong , when ever I feel there is a chance. But some times I do things unknowingly and even if I tell you that I didn’t do that knowingly, you won’t believe me. And I cant do any thing to make you believe that. I don’t know what exactly to do at times, how to talk? What to talk? I have always asked you to tell me and I will do. But don’t be angry on me. That is all what I can say.
I am trying to be worth you. But please share things with me. Don’t have things in your heart. There were so many things I wanted to tell you. But not able to remember what were they? What I can ask is just to trust me. I will be what you want me to be. But give me some time.
How can I be happy without you?? I am happy only b/c of you. You gave me chance to live my childhood again. I did so many things in last 5 months for which I wished for my last 22 years. I am so thankful to you. I want you to be happy too. But I am ……
Your loving wife