Fear...

I was having fun with my cousins, showing them pics of my recent visits, my new clothes which I bought yesterday, my golden pendent and earrings. Everyone around was happy n I was enjoying with them. After some time they all left n few moments later I felt so sad, so disgusted, I felt like I lost something valuable… My heart was aching, my eyes filled with tears.. I was in some kind of agony.. but was not able to comprehend. Was this because they all left?? No , not at all. Was it because I wasted my precious time which I could have used for my studies??? No, No, NO… I m not able to understand why all this happens to me??? I m unable to find reason.. I wanted to talk to someone desperately.. But I never do so.. Something puts me back….

This awful sudden feeling keeps on moving stealthily anytime n destroys all content feelings of my heart n mind. I start feeling that I have lost something very precious, Precious like my life.. That fear, that disappointment, the fear of loosing, the fear of Dark, the fear of being alone in this whole world..

I fear to love someone, fear from accepting that someone loves me… I fear from being hurt. I don’t want to be on top because I fear from falling. When someone says he loves me… I m not able to believe that I could be loved by some one really. I m not beautiful, not have a good physique, m not smart enough. There r people with all these qualities. Then,, why someone will choose me out of them??


M I underestimating myself?? May be… May be not.. I may not have such things, but still I could be loved. I have something in me, to be loved. Then why I m saying all such stupid things.. because I fear.. But I fear what????


*****( “Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away.”)*****

I keep on praying God. Please!! God let me be happy. Let me be content with whatever I have. He listens. But why doesn’t he sweep out this fear out of my mind????


This fear is like…
You are in sleep seeing a dream. In your dream you see a snake all over you. Your heart beats become faster, you are not able to move your body, you are afraid like hell.. your all body perspiring … n suddenly you realize .. that it all was dream.. but still that fear, that awful feeling doesn’t go away.. u still cant move your body… have u ever felt this happening with u?? That is what happening with me.. I m locked in a maze.. n I know it is all illusion.. n still cant find a way out..

PS: If it was not happening with you.. n if it starts.. don’t blame me..